pop up domme(I was inspired by Sarah Sloane’s awesome post about why she thinks she’d be a lousy Pro-Domme to dig out this slightly snarky bit I posted on my Fetlife profile)

I receive many emails each month from women asking me to teach them how to be a pro-domme. These emails feature a variety of approaches, but few of them are good. So here’s a short, straightforward answer to most of your questions. Harsh? Perhaps.

Honest? Absolutely.

To start –

  • No, you cannot “swing by the dungeon so I can teach you a few things”
  • No, I will not “teach you how to get free money and shoes and stuff from guys”
  • No, I do not have time to make you my apprentice to teach you what I’ve spent over a decade learning. I don’t even know who you are. A message on FetLife does NOT make us friends.
  • No, I won’t invite you into MY sessions and make MY submissives pay you.
  • No, I’m not going to take a significant portion of time out of my absurdly busy schedule to train you. Being my apprentice is most likely more effort than you’re willing to put in.
  • No, I will not let you use my dungeon, neither for free nor for a fee. I will not take responsibility for any risks that you take in session. I have no idea whether or not you are safe.
  • No, this is not a good job for man-haters. If you have anger issues this is not the place to work it out. Dealing with client/submissives deepest desires & taboo topics is a responsibility. Be mindful of the power you’re playing with.

Also –

  • Yes, it is going to cost you money to learn and to set up shop. Doesn’t pretty much every OTHER job require some sort of education and doesn’t that education cost money? This is no different.
  • Yes, this can be an incredibly rewarding career, but don’t ever think of it as free and easy money. It’s not.
  • Yes, this can be a very dangerous job. A major part of success is being able to screen for creeps, time-wasters, and wankers. This is a separate yet equally important art and skill.
  • Yes, you can make excellent money doing this, but don’t forget to figure all of the communication, preparation, and clean up into that high ‘rate per hour’. It becomes less impressive than you might think.
  • Yes, being a professional dominatrix has legal concerns. Massachusetts is a lousy place for this sort of thing. Be aware of the ACTUAL legal issues and local laws. Do research. Get a lawyer.
  • Yes, most “anyone” can call themselves a Professional Dominatrix, but only those who treat Domination and Fetish Exploration as an art and skill will do it really well. This is the secret to a lasting career. Love what you do and take it seriously.
  • Yes, I DO take this job very seriously. If you don’t, then we likely won’t get along.

I will be adding to this as other points come up. I understand that some people might find this post offensive, or rude, or any number of other things. I accept that.

I am a strong supporter of women finding their inner Dominants and being safe in the adult industry. However I have moved on from the idea that it is my responsibility to assist every female who wants me to teach them. I offer a great deal to the community and assist in mentoring many individuals and couples that I know personally. I am proud to help those people refine their skills and learn new ones. That does not mean that I am obligated to personally take time to instruct every single person who thinks they want to become a pro-domme. There is a very high turn-over in this industry and I believe that’s because many women get into it for the wrong reasons and then proceed to set themselves up in a very unprofessional way.

I am proud to be a professional dominatrix, and made a great deal of effort to stay at the top of my trade. So don’t take it personally when I don’t answer your flippant email about “not wanting to have a real job, haha” And I won’t take it personally that you sent such a doltish email to me in the first place.

K, thanks bye!

For “pop-up” dommes looking for a ‘short-cut’

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